Her pursuit of happiness is all about women and the quest to find what makes “her” happy. What you may find funny is, for a very long time, I had no idea what really made me happy or more importantly what happiness meant for me. I knew I wanted nothing more than to be happy in life, but in my pursuit to find it, I had no idea what “it” looked like.
Happiness in Others
It’s pretty common for individuals to put the responsibility of their happiness in the laps of others. I’ve been guilty of it. I used to think that I could not, or should not be happy unless those around me were happy. I relied on my friends, family, child, and spouse to be happy so that I could feel happy.
While there’s certainly nothing wrong with wanting to see others you care about happy it is a huge responsibility to put your happiness on someone else. Here’s what happens:
- They Become Your Sole Source – When you rely on a certain person to make you happy, they become your sole source of happiness. When they are not around or are not happy, you are not happy, giving them control over your emotions.
- You Stop Doing Things Alone – When a person becomes your sole source of happiness, you cling to them. You stop doing things on your own, things that you once enjoyed, and you immerse yourself in this person 24/7.
- You Weigh Them Down – Another aspect of putting your happiness on others is the huge responsibility it is for them. They are already responsible for their own feelings and behaviors, and you’ve now added yours to their plate. You have become emotionally dependent upon them, and they feel a need to “be happy” to make sure that you’re always “happy”.
Happiness in Things/Events
I don’t consider myself very materialistic, but there are circumstances in which I thought I could find happiness in things. I’d find myself saying things like
“Once I get a house I will be happy”
“Once I get a new car I will be happy”
“If I had a new wardrobe I would be a lot happier”
“If I could make this much a year I would be so happy”
However, what I came to realize was that once I achieved these things that I thought would make me happy, I was looking for something else. As if it weren’t enough. I mean, don’t get me wrong I was grateful that I had obtained these things, and it did make me happy – for a while, but it did not bring long term happiness.
Once I realized that looking for happiness in people or things was exhausting and temporary, I began wondering how to find true happiness. How can I wake up each and every day and feel good about life – despite what current circumstances might be going on? Is it possible to always be happy?
Much to my surprise, I’ve come to find out that happiness is more of a mindset. It is a state of being that you chose to be in. You have control over your happiness and joy, and no one or nothing can take that away from you (if you don’t allow it). Happiness is defined as an emotional state of being that is defined by positive feelings ranging from contentment to intense joy.
I now know that happiness has been with me the entire time. It is not something that has to been given to me, learned, or even earned. So every day that I wake up, I find my happy place. I think of everything that I’m grateful for and I smile. When life tries to steal the joy that is rightfully mine, I dig deep and re-center my focus to why simply being alive and well is enough to give me unspeakable joy.
Have you ever attached your happiness to people or things? What did you learn from it? I would love to hear from you. Until next time #Stayblessed #Staybeautiful.