The Moment I Realized My Daughter Was Watching

As mothers, we know that we must teach our children the way to navigate life…. On September 10, 2004, I knew I was responsible for raising this princess and guiding her on how to become a queen. I knew I’d have to teach her things, have conversations about life and womanhood, and I had a good example of how to do this (from my mother), so I was prepared.

What I wasn’t prepared for, or let’s say, what I didn’t consider was that my daughter would grow to not only pay attention to the verbal lessons that I was trying to teach her, but she’d pay attention to the non-verbal lessons as well. She’d be watching my relationship with God, how I interact with others, how I carry myself as a woman, how I allow myself to be treated in relationships…. everything.

I thought the “Do as I say, not as I do” method would work

I thought she’d be too young to see what I was going through and the baggage I was carrying around. Well… about three years ago, I figured out I was totally wrong. We’re sitting at home and just having one of our “girl chats”. You know those conversations where your child just goes on and on and you don’t get a word in otherwise?

So we start talking about the ease of making friends and she says to me, “Mom, I notice you don’t really make friends too much. You are kind of quiet and don’t say much. You just sit there.”

Damn…

I thought I was doing a good job of hiding it… the fact that I was insecure, lacked confidence, and desperately held onto the opinion of others, held me back from wanting to socialize confidently. But she was paying attention. At 9 years old, she knew her mother did not interact with people. Is this a lesson I wanted to teach her?

No.

I wanted my daughter to be Fearless, Social, and Confident.

That’s the day I realized my daughter was watching. Not only was she watching, but she was formulating opinions based on my non-verbal actions and placing it in her mental Rolodex.  It was then that I understood the full depths of what it meant to be the mother of a daughter. To be raising a princess who would one day have to face the world as a queen.

I had to take a long hard look in the mirror. Was I the woman I’d want my daughter to be? Or did I want something more for her? If I wanted more, it was up to me to show her more. To show her how to be fearless, bold, social, outgoing, and confident in who she was. I had to show her how to treat others with respect and to demand the same in return. How to value herself and to know that she is worthy….

It was that day, I realized, I had to change.

So ladies, what lessons might you be subconsciously teaching your children about women? This can apply to your sons as well. Are there things you wish to change to provide a better example?

Until next time….. Stay Beautiful. Stay Blessed.

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